I have never blogged before so this is all new to me so please bear with me as i may ramble.
On September 5th 2010 my husband of 12 years left me and my 2 kids while we were at church. He sent me a text message telling me he moved to his moms. Needless to say i was floored! I thought we had a good marriage and was very happy. I had very little warning he was not happy. He told me a couple of days before he left that he was tired of going to church,of being a husband,father and tired of being in pain all the time. I suggested he see a therapist and get on anti depressants. He went off and said all i wanted was to keep him doped up.
Guess i should give you a bit of back ground on why he was in so much pain. On April 13th 2006 he fell 30 plus feet and got pretty busted up. He was in constant pain and didn't want to be addicted to pain medication.
Okay to get back on track after he left I went through a deep depression and my kids (Zachariah age 11 and Hannah age 9) took better care of me than i did of them. All i could do was sit and cry. Through pain comes growth. So they say.In a short amount of time I learned how to become a mother and father at the same time! I had to get it together and be the parents that my kids needed and deserved! I was a stay at home mom so number one thing i had to do was get a job! Wow how scary in this economy! Well as luck was to have it I was talking about being in need of a job at church one night and this very sweet lady told me her mother in law maybe in need of a sitter for her handicapped daughter. She gave me a phone number and just like that God blessed me with a job!
Now i just had to figure out how to hold down a job and still be the parent my kids needed. Not a easy task, I know women do it all the time,but this was so new to me and i didn't have any energy after working. I had to come home clean the house cook dinner and be a playmate to my kids as well as a disciplinarian, I had a hard time with this,because i felt so bad for what they were going through that i let them do pretty much what they wanted, Big mistake. Trying to undo that was and is still a challenge, I will keep you updated on how it goes!
I lost my way quite a bit and quit going to church and started dating (way to soon!) i have a fear of being alone and blamed God for what was happening to me. I know i know big mistake! I still have a fear of being alone,but am dealing with it better now.
Not everything that has happened has been bad. I learned how to properly hold and toss a football!! I had a blast learning from my son. I have also lost 30 something pounds. yes i am still over weight,but am working on it! I have come a long way,but still have a long way to go.
when my husband first left he was giving me money and helping with my bills and then 3 weeks before Christmas he cut off all funds and here i was working a part time job and trying to pay all the bills and provide a good Christmas for my kids! Thank God my kids know the real meaning of Christmas! They both understood why there wasn't going to be as much this year as in years past! What great kids i have! they ended up with more than i could have ever imagined God is good that way!
We started off the New Year pretty rough my job is paid by the state and the budget got depleted so no pay check for 8 weeks ouch. I did get paid eventually,but what a hard time i had until i did.
My husband is now not seeing his kids much at all. when he first left he was seeing them every weekend,but now he don't see them once a month. The kids do not like his g/f and he said if they couldn't accept her then they couldn't accept him.
I never thought i would see the day when he would choose a woman over his kids.
After he left he told me he was sleeping with a member of my family. She denies it. He came back home after being gone for about a month and stayed for a week and left again. I still love this man with every fiber of my being and don't know how to stop.
